Buried and Still Alive

It was strange being there today with him only a few feet away, lying, eternally sleeping in a closed coffin. He was buried next to his wife. Reunited once again. And all day today, I feel him in the wind that blows through rattles the leafs and makes them sing, I feel him standing next to me, I see him in the laughter of the many children present at the service.

I expect to see him at every corner, in every room. It was strange walking into his room last night. Among the dozens of pictures that leaned against the walls the one of him and my grandmother stared back at me. Funny that I had never really noticed that photo before and now it's the one image associated with his room in my mind. As though the black and white photograph in which they must be in their thirties was ten feet wide and ten feet high. The room seemed uncomfortably small for the two of them sitting, smiling, and gazing back at me.

I spoke at the funeral as the representative of over 100 or so grand children and great grand children. Because I spoke in Farsi, I am including an English translation for those non-Iranian members of my family who may have been wondering what I was talking about:

"Aghajoon [A term of endearment by which we refer to my grandfather] was more than a grandfather to me.
He was my father. I always knew that I could count on his unconditional love and support. When ever I needed him, he was there for me, gave me confidence and power to move forward.
He was my friend. Aghajoon and I could sit and talk for hours without getting tired of each other's company.
He was my teacher. I have learned many valuable lessons from him.

Aghajoon has taught me that I can never allow fear and doubt to come between me and my dreams. Aghajoon lost his own father when he was very young. At the age of 12 he became the breadwinner of his family and had to support not only his mother but also his younger siblings. Despite all the difficulties that he encountered, he always chased and pursued what he wanted and was able to attain many of his goals and dreams.
Aghajoon has taught me that life is full of opportunities and that the only way to become successful is to be ready for these opportunities when they come my way.
He has taught me that to be a successful person, I must first love myself, respect myself, and believe in my own abilities.
He has taught me that through traveling I can increase my knowledge and become a better person for it. He himself loved to travel. He has driven through most of America, Iran, and Europe and visited countless countries.
Aghajoon has taught me that keeping one's body healthy through exercise and by eating the right foods is every person's responsibility in life. Even until a year ago when he got really ill, he'd wake up early every morning and walk for an hour before he started his day.

I have learned from Aghajoon that even in the worst and most difficult circumstances one can bring a smile to his own and other people's lips. Even when he didn't have the energy to talk anymore, he made every word count towards making others smile and laugh. I often found myself in his room trying to hold back tears only to start laughing moments later by a witty comment made by him.

For me, not having him next to me is very difficult.

A few months ago he asked me: When are you getting married so I can stop worrying about you?
I would have loved for him to be around to see me get married...

But, even with all that, I am happy.

Aghajoon: I am happy that you were in my life. I am happy that I have so many wonderful memories with you. I am happy that you have shared your stories with me so that I can take them with me where ever I go.

Aghajoon: I am eternally in love with you. I miss you."

Comments

[Zahra]

dear Elham;
your note was so touching.we are sad here in Iran too.yesterday Aghajoon's death announcement was published at a newspaper and many people(friend or relative) became aware of the tragedy .everyone who calls Mamanjoon talks about his/her nice memories at aghajoon and mamanbozorg's house.sometimes i really wish i had been there at that time.
i remembered all the mornings that aghajoon went to Mellat park for walking. i asked him to take me too but he always said:"you can not come with me because you become tired and i can not leave you alone at the park. you should practice and increase the amount of your walking little by little and then you can come with me." and i promised to myself that the next time we come back to Tehran i would be ready. but i was never faithful to my promise!
although he was old, he didn't look old at all but the last time he went to Iran aftar mamanbozorg,s death , i saw him become old.
we wish we could be there for the funeral but unfortunatly there is a long distance between us.we all thank you and your mum and Parvin to be with him during these years and appreciate your troubles.thank you.
miss you;Zahra